Back to failure?

I spoke to my mom today. And my teacher. After talking it through I will probobly drop off the Thai Intensive course. It is way t hard and fast for me. Maybe its cause of my diagnosis but who knows. All I know if that I am heading with the train straight to the wall called exhaustion. I am not a studying person but I wake up and go to school, then from school home for more studying. I am usually up til maybe 00.00 every night. And still it wont stick! I think that counts for trying.

But what does that give me? Dropping of I mean.

Do I go back to Sweden living on Wellfare in a crappy appartment doing something that I dont want. I finally got out, I dont want to go back to Swedens invisible chains. And I dont have the money to travel around like I wanna do. And what kind of job do I qualify for, nothing. So what do I do now.
Not to mention the romantic side. I have to choose between nothing and something. Sadness.

This just breaks my heart. I like it here. I dont want to leave. Why does this have to happen when I am finally happy?
Biggest disapointment ever. Why cant good things last?